Tuesday 8 July 2014
Memories . . .
dive-bombs of memories hitting its target with small explosions. a kaleidoscope of emotions battling for their place . . . the mind can betray you. lure you into believing truth and life and then taunt you with its reflection.
Friday 2 May 2014
Reflecting on the gift of friends . . .
Awake at the wrong hour of 4 am and reflecting on the gift of friends. If I would describe you, I'd say . . . someone I could easily laugh with; a safe place to share the hard stuff, to shed tears; someone I could explode to and they wouldn't even flinch; a rare friend would be able to sense your heart even before your words knew what to say; could listen to you whine and complain and in love tell you to 'suck it up buttercup'; would listen and love unconditionally and then speak truth and perspective; a good friend 'rides the storm' with you; gets you from the inside out and even through the muck, sees beauty; allows you to speak into their life too and listen with expectancy, knowing that you deeply care and have their best interest at heart. . . I have friends who encompass these characteristics. They bring light to times of darkness. They remind me of why life is good.
Friends change. I hate that part. The part that hurts in the letting go. In the loving of the friend, you recall good times. heart connections. laughter. but when the distance begins, so does the perspective. the bumps that have always been there, start focusing into place. we get to choose though. just as we chose not to see when our friendship was up close and personal, so we can choose when it isn't. choose to love blindly. to focus on the now. remember the pieces that touched us. that we needed in that season. over the years I have (am) learned (learning) to embrace the ones that are. welcome the ones that begin to be and with a grateful and full heart, release the ones that drift away. Always thankful to the One who sent them. believing that the timing and purpose for both of us was right. that my contribution to the relationship were honouring and life-giving. so to those whom I have loved but whose paths we no longer cross, I release you. to those whom I am just beginning to know, I eagerly anticipate how we can be a blessing. to those who are in my life right now, I am so full of thanks.
Friends change. I hate that part. The part that hurts in the letting go. In the loving of the friend, you recall good times. heart connections. laughter. but when the distance begins, so does the perspective. the bumps that have always been there, start focusing into place. we get to choose though. just as we chose not to see when our friendship was up close and personal, so we can choose when it isn't. choose to love blindly. to focus on the now. remember the pieces that touched us. that we needed in that season. over the years I have (am) learned (learning) to embrace the ones that are. welcome the ones that begin to be and with a grateful and full heart, release the ones that drift away. Always thankful to the One who sent them. believing that the timing and purpose for both of us was right. that my contribution to the relationship were honouring and life-giving. so to those whom I have loved but whose paths we no longer cross, I release you. to those whom I am just beginning to know, I eagerly anticipate how we can be a blessing. to those who are in my life right now, I am so full of thanks.
Letting go . . .
. . . I listened to a speaker at the apologetics conference in March. He was a survivor of the killing fields in Phom Phen, Cambodia. His family had been beaten, machete-d and tossed into a mass grave with many others. They threw him in among them but neglected to ensure his death. Although he had been beaten, he was alive. Beside him lay the remains of his family. The killers left and he had a window of time to escape. It took everything within him to rise up and climb over the dead bodies of his family and community. Not only did he escape this pit of death, he ran through a forest at night and then through a field towards arm-waving Laos - crossing the border into freedom. The forest at night is dangerous. The field he ran through filled with millions of hidden mines. He crossed physically unscathed. God's hand of favour and protection was on him.
Sometimes letting go is like that. We rise up in obedience. It takes everything within us to move forward. The dead body we walk over is our own. But letting go, as an act of obedience to what God has called you to do, brings freedom. brings favour. brings life. Ryksma had to trust the power of the Holy Spirit within him even beyond his own understanding. He didn't even know the triune God at this time. How much more is this for us who already do.
Grieving is hardest when we don't understand God's kingdom purpose for us. Hardest when we don't trust the One who loves us enough to stretch us into a better version of who He sees us to be. Hardest when the soul ties aren't wrapped in ribbons but locked up with chains. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to wrestle the battle within. the wondering if's. so much wiser not to wrestle at all. just trust. letting go comes in so many forms. deaths. moving. health. changes in relationships. releasing expectations of what our life should look like. the world is not kind to giving us time to sort these things out. often we grieve alone. in balance this is good. 'suck it up buttercup', seems like a slap to the side of the head until it comes from someone whom you know loves you enough to say it. time to stop the whining. the regrets. the lament.
but what does healthy grieving and trusting God completely, at the same time. look like. it changes you. grieving and letting go and trusting. each add to each other. each layer completing the next. stopping at one only jumpstarts you back to the beginning. you lose ground. best to stay the course.
I get this picture of laying a crown at the feet of Jesus. The crown is ours at the point of our salvation; the jewels are marks of victory in the overcoming of our battles.
Joy. I wasn't suppose to know you. I was told years ago that I never would. It was a lie but I wrestled with it anyway. It's when you're feeling discouraged and the whispers remind you. confirm to you its 'truth'. Scripture says that joy is a fruit of the Spirit. It's a cause and effect. Walk in the ways of The Lord, the fruits of His Spirit will follow. I may not feel joy but I still know I have it. His word says so.
Sometimes letting go is like that. We rise up in obedience. It takes everything within us to move forward. The dead body we walk over is our own. But letting go, as an act of obedience to what God has called you to do, brings freedom. brings favour. brings life. Ryksma had to trust the power of the Holy Spirit within him even beyond his own understanding. He didn't even know the triune God at this time. How much more is this for us who already do.
Grieving is hardest when we don't understand God's kingdom purpose for us. Hardest when we don't trust the One who loves us enough to stretch us into a better version of who He sees us to be. Hardest when the soul ties aren't wrapped in ribbons but locked up with chains. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to wrestle the battle within. the wondering if's. so much wiser not to wrestle at all. just trust. letting go comes in so many forms. deaths. moving. health. changes in relationships. releasing expectations of what our life should look like. the world is not kind to giving us time to sort these things out. often we grieve alone. in balance this is good. 'suck it up buttercup', seems like a slap to the side of the head until it comes from someone whom you know loves you enough to say it. time to stop the whining. the regrets. the lament.
but what does healthy grieving and trusting God completely, at the same time. look like. it changes you. grieving and letting go and trusting. each add to each other. each layer completing the next. stopping at one only jumpstarts you back to the beginning. you lose ground. best to stay the course.
I get this picture of laying a crown at the feet of Jesus. The crown is ours at the point of our salvation; the jewels are marks of victory in the overcoming of our battles.
Joy. I wasn't suppose to know you. I was told years ago that I never would. It was a lie but I wrestled with it anyway. It's when you're feeling discouraged and the whispers remind you. confirm to you its 'truth'. Scripture says that joy is a fruit of the Spirit. It's a cause and effect. Walk in the ways of The Lord, the fruits of His Spirit will follow. I may not feel joy but I still know I have it. His word says so.
Wednesday 19 March 2014
Overcoming . . .
March 19/14
. . . I believe its God's intent. His purpose for us to overcome right in the middle of our situation. not to take us out from under it, although that is usually OUR first choice, the choice of one not yet complete in Him. What does rising up from 'within the rubble' look like? one faith step at a time. Some people get a light at the end of the tunnel, others get a flicker or a scattering firefly. Both require faith. Both trust in the God who provided the light. Overcoming to victory to testimony brings glory to God which is always the purpose. the intent. the reason. Asking why always comes to the same conclusion. "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ . . ." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
overcoming . . . plodding. pulling up. deep breath and hold. exhale and repeat. letting go. letting go. letting go. forgiveness. looking forward. redirecting. believing . . trusting. . praying . . believing.trusting.praying. believingtrustingpraying. making tough choices. standing tall. head held high. walking in obedience to the One who called you.
. . . I believe its God's intent. His purpose for us to overcome right in the middle of our situation. not to take us out from under it, although that is usually OUR first choice, the choice of one not yet complete in Him. What does rising up from 'within the rubble' look like? one faith step at a time. Some people get a light at the end of the tunnel, others get a flicker or a scattering firefly. Both require faith. Both trust in the God who provided the light. Overcoming to victory to testimony brings glory to God which is always the purpose. the intent. the reason. Asking why always comes to the same conclusion. "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ . . ." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
overcoming . . . plodding. pulling up. deep breath and hold. exhale and repeat. letting go. letting go. letting go. forgiveness. looking forward. redirecting. believing . . trusting. . praying . . believing.trusting.praying. believingtrustingpraying. making tough choices. standing tall. head held high. walking in obedience to the One who called you.
Tuesday 27 August 2013
'Splots' of Words
A clear starry night on the top of a mountain. A glass house firming planted. A raging storm. Lightning. Thunder. Torrents of rain. Montrous winds. My perfect place to rest.
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Rest. Responsibility. Reflection. Perseverance. Commitment. Does balance bring peace. contentment. health. friendships are life giving to me. order and chaos living together in an imperfect harmony.
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May the Lord bless you (He will) and keep you (yup, that too). May He make His face shine upon you (I can see Him smiling) and be gracious to you (He does that so well). May the Lord turn His face toward you (wear sunglasses) and shower favour on you (the get wet down to your socks kind) and give you peace (best feeling in the world) may He cover you with His mercy and grace (like a big blanket on a cold day) as He draws you nearer to the heat of His heart protecting all that is right and good and resonates truth in your spirit and allowing that which is not of Him to burn away. (reference Numbers 6 with a touch of Marilyn Kampen)
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resignation: is this a good thing? a letting go? a patience virtue? a quiet obediene? or is it defeat? for the moment or for ever? does its acceptance mean you quit trying? or is it an oasis in the desert of waiting for prayers to be answered. to be heard.
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clear starry night skies remind me of places I've been, of feelings and people and relationships and Gods bigness. theres something so alluring, so aweing, and yet oddly intimate about gazing into the same heavens that have covered the world since the beginning of time (@sleepless yet again)
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sometimes I feel I could explode! with words that aren’t spoken. with tears that aren’t shed. with deep guttural cries that stay silent. ‘there is a time and season for everything’. is the strength that it is taking to not explode what is actually holding me together? keeping me intact for one more day. maybe even saving me from myself?
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I hate pain. physical. emotional. loving when its hard pain. listening and nodding, affirming when you want to shake them and scream. wishing another well when its your job they got. the pain of letting go. grieving. waiting for your turn for God to answer. watching others lives being blessed with the same things you prayed about. longed for. begged God. . . . but its through the path/road/highway of pain that we grow and stretch and NEED God. really NEED Him. there are no miracles without a need for them. you BECOME strong. you BECOME patient. you BECOME wise. you BECOME . . . its a process. there is a starting point and you move towards being. I hate pain but I love the being part. I want/desire the being part. so my prayer is that I would be faithful in the testing. that the fruit of the struggle would be honoring and lifegiving. that even in the pain, I would always carry joy. that it would be what others see first in and on me. PS I love my friend Lia. Thank you for letting me cry even when I didn't know i was that sad.
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