A clear starry night on the top of a mountain. A glass house firming planted. A raging storm. Lightning. Thunder. Torrents of rain. Montrous winds. My perfect place to rest.
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Rest. Responsibility. Reflection. Perseverance. Commitment. Does balance bring peace. contentment. health. friendships are life giving to me. order and chaos living together in an imperfect harmony.
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May the Lord bless you (He will) and keep you (yup, that too). May He make His face shine upon you (I can see Him smiling) and be gracious to you (He does that so well). May the Lord turn His face toward you (wear sunglasses) and shower favour on you (the get wet down to your socks kind) and give you peace (best feeling in the world) may He cover you with His mercy and grace (like a big blanket on a cold day) as He draws you nearer to the heat of His heart protecting all that is right and good and resonates truth in your spirit and allowing that which is not of Him to burn away. (reference Numbers 6 with a touch of Marilyn Kampen)
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resignation: is this a good thing? a letting go? a patience virtue? a quiet obediene? or is it defeat? for the moment or for ever? does its acceptance mean you quit trying? or is it an oasis in the desert of waiting for prayers to be answered. to be heard.
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clear starry night skies remind me of places I've been, of feelings and people and relationships and Gods bigness. theres something so alluring, so aweing, and yet oddly intimate about gazing into the same heavens that have covered the world since the beginning of time (@sleepless yet again)
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sometimes I feel I could explode! with words that aren’t spoken. with tears that aren’t shed. with deep guttural cries that stay silent. ‘there is a time and season for everything’. is the strength that it is taking to not explode what is actually holding me together? keeping me intact for one more day. maybe even saving me from myself?
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I hate pain. physical. emotional. loving when its hard pain. listening and nodding, affirming when you want to shake them and scream. wishing another well when its your job they got. the pain of letting go. grieving. waiting for your turn for God to answer. watching others lives being blessed with the same things you prayed about. longed for. begged God. . . . but its through the path/road/highway of pain that we grow and stretch and NEED God. really NEED Him. there are no miracles without a need for them. you BECOME strong. you BECOME patient. you BECOME wise. you BECOME . . . its a process. there is a starting point and you move towards being. I hate pain but I love the being part. I want/desire the being part. so my prayer is that I would be faithful in the testing. that the fruit of the struggle would be honoring and lifegiving. that even in the pain, I would always carry joy. that it would be what others see first in and on me. PS I love my friend Lia. Thank you for letting me cry even when I didn't know i was that sad.
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