Feb. 18 I just noticed that there are tiny spots of people from around the world peeking
into my blog space. Love it! Thrilled by it! Overwhelmed though by it's responsibility.
The responsibility to make my words count; to inspire others; to add to someone's day
in a positive way. So here's my wondering . . . what are people (you) expecting when
you look up a blog site that is about joy? Are people (you) looking for ideas?
something to make you smile? something to add to your own resources to make
others smile? . . . would welcome / love for you to add your thoughts and ideas.
Feb. 20 I had the most amazing day teaching a class of grade 2/3's. They like each
other and treat each other with respect. They treat me with respect. In the 4 days
I've been in this class, I have not heard one of them complain about anyone of their
classmates. It is easy to be a good teacher in this class. Liking the people you're with
makes it easy to be likeable. Life's more like a boomerang than we give it credit for.
Life gives life. It propels us forward. It propels others to move forward. Added
thought: when others like you, it's easier to remember to like yourself. This is a
good thing.
March 4: reflecting on the power of words as I was reading birthday wishes on
my Facebook page. there is something so incredibly life-giving when words
are personalized; a remembrance, a thought, a specific wish. It makes me
want to be more intentional in my own words to others. This is a good thing.
April 8: about 2 weeks ago, I attended the funeral of my father. After years of
pain and multiple infections, his body and spirit said, 'it's time to rest now'. Sad
that he's gone; so excited that he is no longer suffering. I didn't think I would be
able to see him in the coffin; but I did. I stood next to a vague
replica of a man that was suppose to be my father. It wasn't. Not the real
part of him. The spirit. the life piece was missing. I KNOW with everything
in me that he (as a believer in Jesus Christ) is with God his Father.
Dad referred to 'heaven' in his last days as 'the new Jerusalem'. He
had never spoken that way before. He talked about it with anticipation. He
walked toward it in peace. This is a good thing.
April 25: it's raining again. the endless tapping on my windows. so peaceful
on some days; so relentless on others. today it adds to the lonely spots
I've been haunted with. and then an email from a friend whose struggle is
so much more than mine seems to be. maybe what I feel is not for myself
but for another. maybe to lift off what I struggle with, I must pray for
another to be refreshed. to be healed. this gives me hope. hope for myself.
hope for another. This is a good thing.
June 30: Today was a good day. My daughter asked me to go for a run with
her in the rain. She even let me use her ipod. She tried to teach me how to
pace myself; hold my arms.
I met a little girl, about age 4, while looking for books at the thrift shop.
She was trying to help me. She said when she grows up she wants to be a
princess and a rock climber. I asked her if she'd been practising how to be
a princess. :)
I listened to Noah (age 4) sing Sunday school songs to his friends.
Apparently he plays 'concert' all the time. :), you made me smile today
too. Your home is so welcoming. Your intent for your home, so welcoming. :)
I was welcomed at the church doors this evening by a random friend, Sharon.
I love that you are intentional with people, with me. thank you. :) The theme
for this month's sermons is 'An Uncommon Joy'. Today they interviewed a
teenager named Kourtney was was born with a skin disease. She talked of
her struggle; her faith. She and her dad sang a song of hope. It put life into
perspective, if only for a little while.
Finding the joy-spots in each day is a good thing.
July 12/12: it's been a struggle, this finding joy in every day. EVERY day is
the key here. Sometimes, as I have of late, felt depleted. empty. void. sometimes
even tormented. so . . . this morning I chose to refocus. I think that's a big part of
joy; making the choice to break through. I liken it to hiking. 3 months ago, McKee
Peaks was hard. I was out of breath constantly. trying to keep up. keeping my
heart inside my body. Yesterday it felt easy. manageable. enJOYable. that's it isn't it?
pushing through. persevering. in life in the natural. in life in the spiritual. the power
of our minds; our thoughts; our choices. sometimes joy is a celebration of this. a victory.
This is a good thing.
July 26/12: I just spent 5 days with my sisters. They live 3 provinces away so this
was sort of a big deal. We had a road trip of sorts - lots of local; one over-nighter.
L., the youngest of the three, is on her 2nd marriage. This year marks their 20th
anniversary. She seems so content in her relationship with her husband. She says
'every day is a choice'. I've loved seeing the transitioning of maturity on/in her;
the 'joy-spots' in her life develop. Mostly by her own recognition as there is always
something in our lives to celebrate. It takes the rightness of the inside of us to
recognize it. [side note: she has the most amazing smile/laugh]
M. is the middle sister. Also divorced. She is in a healthy relationship right now.
There is lots of wooing and affirmation. She seems so much freer, happier than I have
ever seen her. A lot of that freedom has come from letting go of the past, forgiving -
herself and others, from getting right in her relationship with God. She pursues
health - mind, body and soul. It shows.
And then there's me. the thinker. most of the time joy radiates from me, but lately,
there's been a yet-to-be-determined sadness within / on me. As much as I want to
pretend it isn't there, I think it's 'leaking' from the inside out. I think we all do -
leak from the inside out. The stuff on the inside of us, whether it's good or 'bad',
leaks out through our face, our spirit, the presentation of ourselves. It affects how
we age, how we look, how physically, mentally or spiritually healthy we are.
Reflection of this doesn't change where I'm at but it does make me aware.
This is a good thing. Can you tell who is who? :)
August 21. 2012: My personal list of happy things. a child's laugh. a run and dive hug.
a phone call from a good friend. small 'I want to be close to you' touches. a glance
and a smile that doesn't need words to understand. a day that starts with tea on the night
table, an open bible beside me and a pen and journal in my hands. remembering 'moments'.
words that explode with life. feeling beautiful. the first step into the woods that begins a
hike. music that makes me want to dance.
August 21. 2012: there's something about walking into the woods, the first steps of a hike,
that draws you in. inhaling. life-giving. peace. and the silence - the silence is exhilarating!
It sharpens all our other senses and we begin to 'hear' from within. Maybe that's why we
are never without music or earbuds or the radio or television or . . . we don't know how
to deal with the 'within' part of us.
Sept. 4. 2012: my friends, J & D have had a year filled with bumps. D's mom died this
Spring; his dad has cancer; J's dad died yesterday; her mom is awaiting biopsy results;
J just had brain surgery in August to combat dystonia, a form of parkin. disease. That's
a lot of sadness. but if you look closer, deeper, you'll also see God's favour. The 2 deaths
and surgery were covered in and with peace. Noticeably so. They have been showered
with meals, visits, flowers, prayers. The fact that J was even eligible for surgery was a
blessing. There is a 95% success rate.
Often, [mostly] we tend to focus on the 'lists' of what's gone wrong instead of celebrating
the seemingly hidden droves of joy-spots. I'm wondering if: do we voice 'the lists' in
order to draw attention to ourselves? intentionally or inadvertently that's what happens.
Or do we not voice the favour because people just aren't interested . . . hmmm,
a conflict of sorts . . . no conclusion, just wondering.
Sept 20. 2012: Stuff that robs us of joy . . . comparing us, our strengths, our blessings with
anyone else's. looking at the what if's rather than loving the right here and now.
June 30. 2013. 7 months of teaching kindergarten and I am left tired but oh so enriched. 20 children I didn't know a year ago have changed me. I have learned deeper to love from the inside out. If you'd ask me what their last names were, I wouldn't be able to tell you, but ask me their favorite color, what makes them happy, who their favorite friend is . . . :). I've learned deeper to be gracious - so much easier to do with children than you-should-know-better adults. I learned deeper to teach to meet not only the academic workings of their mind but their physical / psychological needs as well. Wiggle times, walking breaks, snacks and drinks of water . . . I teach differently because of them. I teach differently because I know that I was there by God's divine direction, His strength, His creativity, His purpose. In that, because of that. I have peace.
August 8. 2013. Today has been a re-direction of all-sorts. randomly listened to a post on fb - a song by India Arie (Break the Shell) "child it's time, to break the shell - life's gonna hurt but it's meant to be felt. you can not touch the sky, from inside yourself. you can not fly, until you break the shell" which led me to opening up an interview with Will and Jada Smith (Smith Family on Oprah Winfrey 360) "how come you smilin' all the time? - 'cause I know what I'm here to do baby - what's that? - I'm gonna make everything I touch better" -Will talking with his grandmother. . . "in the face of destruction you pounded on your chest and put your arms up and said: 'I'm still standing. bring it!' (38:45 into recording) . . . which led me to 'Your words and your thoughts have physical power' (youtube - Will Smith) "there's a redemptive power that having a choice has". . . then from another fb friend, a posting a song by again, India Arie & Pink - "I am not my hair. I am not this skin. I am not your expectations, no. I am the soul that lives within. . . hair grows no matter what you do, don't you wish that people did too?"
August 12. 2013. so thankful I have 'inside-out' friends. ones who can 'read' you even when they're not with you - they just 'know'.
sometimes I feel I could explode! with words that aren’t spoken. with tears that aren’t shed. with deep guttural cries that stay silent. is the strength that it is taking to not explode the same thing that is actually holding me together? keeping me intact for one more day. Victory is joy is life and testimony and beauty . . .
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