. . . I listened to a speaker at the apologetics conference in March. He was a survivor of the killing fields in Phom Phen, Cambodia. His family had been beaten, machete-d and tossed into a mass grave with many others. They threw him in among them but neglected to ensure his death. Although he had been beaten, he was alive. Beside him lay the remains of his family. The killers left and he had a window of time to escape. It took everything within him to rise up and climb over the dead bodies of his family and community. Not only did he escape this pit of death, he ran through a forest at night and then through a field towards arm-waving Laos - crossing the border into freedom. The forest at night is dangerous. The field he ran through filled with millions of hidden mines. He crossed physically unscathed. God's hand of favour and protection was on him.
Sometimes letting go is like that. We rise up in obedience. It takes everything within us to move forward. The dead body we walk over is our own. But letting go, as an act of obedience to what God has called you to do, brings freedom. brings favour. brings life. Ryksma had to trust the power of the Holy Spirit within him even beyond his own understanding. He didn't even know the triune God at this time. How much more is this for us who already do.
Grieving is hardest when we don't understand God's kingdom purpose for us. Hardest when we don't trust the One who loves us enough to stretch us into a better version of who He sees us to be. Hardest when the soul ties aren't wrapped in ribbons but locked up with chains. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to wrestle the battle within. the wondering if's. so much wiser not to wrestle at all. just trust. letting go comes in so many forms. deaths. moving. health. changes in relationships. releasing expectations of what our life should look like. the world is not kind to giving us time to sort these things out. often we grieve alone. in balance this is good. 'suck it up buttercup', seems like a slap to the side of the head until it comes from someone whom you know loves you enough to say it. time to stop the whining. the regrets. the lament.
but what does healthy grieving and trusting God completely, at the same time. look like. it changes you. grieving and letting go and trusting. each add to each other. each layer completing the next. stopping at one only jumpstarts you back to the beginning. you lose ground. best to stay the course.
I get this picture of laying a crown at the feet of Jesus. The crown is ours at the point of our salvation; the jewels are marks of victory in the overcoming of our battles.
Joy. I wasn't suppose to know you. I was told years ago that I never would. It was a lie but I wrestled with it anyway. It's when you're feeling discouraged and the whispers remind you. confirm to you its 'truth'. Scripture says that joy is a fruit of the Spirit. It's a cause and effect. Walk in the ways of The Lord, the fruits of His Spirit will follow. I may not feel joy but I still know I have it. His word says so.
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